I've just been reminded of something that bugged me when I attended this
, which was the subject of historical abuse coming up.
One guy in the audience, over the average age of the attendees present, and also in the minority (iirc) due to being a bloke, talked about an historical abuse case he'd heard about where the police were investigating something between a man and a woman which was completely unrelated to something they dug up in the couple's past to do with an act of sexual violence from the man towards the woman. The issue the woman had approached the police about took a backburner while they investigated business which took place years
ago. We're talking decades.
Anyway, the guy in the audience, in the most sensitive way (I thought) asked would the woman perhaps preferred not having been reminded of all that? Maybe she'd put it behind her? Maybe they'd worked through it? Maybe she'd like to forget about it?
At that last phrase, the audience gasped. The mic was returned to the panel. One of the speakers (tbf her first language wasn't English - oh, there's a link to the reference in my post yesterday about Brighton being a multicultural melting pot which was categorically denied!) flashed her eyes and said fiercely, "Of course she hasn't forgotten about it!"
The man tried to defend himself while the audience shook their heads and tutted at him.
I understood perfectly what he was trying to say. And yes, I imagine it was
painful for that woman to relive her experiences, and maybe she would prefer to try to forget about them. Or, if she wanted to work through it, maybe she'd prefer to do it with a counsellour or methods of her choice rather than whatever the police offered.
I felt bad for the bloke and also ashamed of the women there for leaping to conclusions. These presumptions and accusations will only serve to drive men away. If you want them on your side (and clearly this one didn't need much persuading as he'd already paid to attend the event) let them speak and LISTEN
I'd hate to think this guy entered the room having a respect for women, and then left feeling embarrassed, which may have possibly developed into a little hatred of women for jumping to the wrong conclusions and believing the worst in men all the time. Jeez Louise.